Secret Santa
by Kimako
Summary: A Christmas special: Secret Santa is in South park, but what happens if Cartmen's the secret santa? Chaos? or a happy ever after?


**Disclaimer**: I do not own South Park; they rightfully belong to Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

**Warning(s): **Language

**Pairing:** I will not tell you the pairing of this story, which would just ruin the fun eh? (Read until the end and you'll find out)

**A/N:** Hey guys, this is my first South Park fanfiction. I'm sorry if it's too short, I just wanted to make this quick one-shot about Christmas. This is a Christmas special for a good friend Ashfia1.5Bleach, a Bleach fan obviously. But were both crazy for South Park Yaoi :D And so I made this for her, if you end up loving this story. Wait for more because I, Kimako, am doing another South Park Fanfiction, but doing collaboration with Ashfia1.5Bleach. (Even though I'm doing most of the work XB) No flames please, R&R and Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays!

~~~! Howdy Ho! ~~~

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**Secret Santa**

Chapter I: Mission Impossible?

_[December 17__th__, 9:45 am, Mr. Garrison's classroom]_

I reached my hand into the red velvet bag and shook it as I picked a piece of paper that held the truth to the person I had to give a gift for, my stomach gave me butterflies as I picked it out of the bag. But I had to keep my cool because everyone was looking at me, they were wondering who I picked. I took a peek at the white piece of paper, trying to not let anyone else see it. Once I read it, my heart stopped.

"Ahhh—SHIT!" I whined. This was no good; the person I picked was an annoying brat.

Then I heard people whisper, _"I bet Cartmen going to get them something cheap!" "Gahhh---Jesus Christ!" "Sucks for that person" _Then I got angry, they think that **I'm** going to be cheap?! Well, sucks for them, I'm going to get them the best present they could ever get!

I rubbed my hands together to brainstorm, figuring out my master plan.

~*~

_[December 17__th__, 12:00 am, Cafeteria]_

It was a week before Christmas day and my stomach grumbled for food, it was lunch time.

I walked into the cafeteria and found out it was pizza day, today's my lucky day I thought. I grabbed 2 slices of pizza and a can of root beer, paid and went to the orange table in the corner of the cafeteria. That's where I saw Craig, Kenny and...Pip? That's weird; he's always sitting at the table across the room.

I walked over and sat down, raised my eye brow towards Craig and pointed towards Pip. Craig just flipped me off like he would every day, but I ignored it like usual and looked towards Kenny to do the talking. "Damien's coming back, and now he's freaking out. Just leave him alone Cartmen" Kenny said munching on his pizza, and then I look at Pip. He looks really freaked out, ha! Whussy.

I took a big bite out of the pizza slice and noticed the rest of the gang come over; they just sat down and talked like usual. Then they brought up Secret Santa, they were asking who everyone else picked. But nobody told anyone because, what's the fun in that?

Then I thought about what I was going to get that person, it has to be something they really like to have around for a long time but I still have 8 more days. I stroke my chin, then a light bulb flash above my head; at that time I knew what to get, but it's going to be very difficult...

~*~

_[December 17__th__, 2:16 pm, Mr. Mackey's Classroom]_

"Kahl! Kahl! I need to ask for a favour" I said as I rushed over to the empty desk beside the red head.

"When has Cartmen ever asked for a favour? Is the world ending already?" He said with sarcasm, and then he returned to his reading about The History of Civil War.

"No, and I did ask for a favour before" I said, "When?" he replied back with bored eyes.

Then my mind pondered; when have I ever ask for a favour? Then I shook my head, "Don't change the subject Kahl, anyway, you know Secret Santa right?" "Yeah" Kyle said.

"Well, I need your help getting the present" I twiddled with my fingers, acting innocent.

"Why?" Kyle whined, "I'm going to prove everyone that I'm not cheap, so I'm getting him the greatest present yet. But, it's going to be challenging because the person I have to give a gift for is..." then I lowered down to whisper in Kyle's ear, telling him the name of the person I have to get a gift for.

Then he nodded and said "oh, no wonder. Sure, I'll help—", I smiled with glee, then he interrupted me "But what's in it for me?" Kyle smirked.

SHIT...shit...shit, shit. I didn't plan for this! My mind scrambled looking for a way to get out of this, and then it popped into my head. "Ok, ok. Uh, I won't make fun of you for the whole month?" I said desperately; come on, say yes you fucking Jew! I yelled in my mind as I waited for the red head's response, he took his finger and tapped it on his chin.

"Sure" he said, "Good enough for me". "Ok, meet me at Stark's pond at 4:30 pm on the 25th" I said as the bell rang.

Then Kyle just nodded back and picked up his text books, shoved them into his bag, and then left for the next period.

Mission S.S, phrase 1...Complete, I grinned.

~*~

_[December 25__th__, 7:00pm, Stan Marsh's Residence]_

I was standing in front of Stan's house; I wiped the beads of sweat off my forehead and dragged the gigantic box. I placed the red wrapping paper and green ribbon box on his door step, it was so fucking heavy!

I think I lost 10 pounds dragging this piece of junk for about 15 minutes now, but it's going to be worth it. Even though it took me 2 hours running after Kyle through the busiest shopping streets, I finally got the 'Perfect Gift'. It took me sweat and tears...well, not tears; to get it.

My breath was short and heavy, I could see my breath in the air.

Now all I have to do is get things organized; hiding spot? I looked behind me and found a bush enough to cover me, _check_. Parents or siblings? I found out that Stan's parents were at a Christmas party and his sister, Shelley is at her friend's house, _check_. And the rest I checked off, now all I need is one more thing. I placed the red envelope on top of the box, envelope? _Check_.

We're all set; I made sure I had enough energy to run to the bush once I pressed the button.

Ok, 1...2...3...press!

Once I pressed it, it unleashed a _ding dong_. When I heard it, I swiftly said in a whisper "Merry Christmas!" and quickly ran towards the bush.

I crouch down making sure Stan couldn't see me, I see the black haired boy stepping down the stairs from the window. He comes up to the door and opens it; he looks down at the box and scratches his head. Then Stan lifts up his head, looking around to see anyone who would've left the huge box placed right in front of him.

I quickly hid behind the bush until Stan looked down at the box; I poked my head out, observing what's going to happen next. He picked up the red envelope and opened it, he was a little shocked when he found out it was for him.

Stan quickly placed the letter on a table near the door and returned to inspect the gift-wrapped box, he looked at the sides of the box; making sure it isn't a prank. When he thought it was safe, he placed his hand on top of the box. Ready to open it up, until the box started to shake.

Stan jumped back; he's probably thinking its some rapid animal in there. But he automatically takes his hands and opens the lid with interest, his eyes widen.

In the box was Kyle with a little bow on his curly red head, he was constricted with red ribbon; so it made sure he didn't escape. The boy is probably is scared out of his wits since I knocked him out with a substance that was guaranteed to knock their predators out cold.

Stan quickly put back the lid on the box and just stood there for a few minutes until something incredibly shocking happened, well, not that shocking because I kinda knew he would do it. My mouth was hanging down from my jaw and my eyes were popping out. "So it was true!" I murmured under my breath until I heard a ring tone.

_Poker face by Lady Gaga-Eric Cartmen Style:_

_Mum mum mum mah  
Mum mum mum mah _

_I wanna hold em' like they do in Texas Plays  
Fold em' let em' hit me raise it baby stay with me (I love it)  
Love game and intuition play the cards with Spades to start  
And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart---_

Before the ring tone continued, I picked it up and answered. "Ello? Eric Cartmen Speaking" "Honey? Its mummy, are you coming home soon? You're going to miss the feast" Mom said, I can't believe I forgot about the feast! I quickly got out of the bush and rushed home, not wanting to miss mom's famous roast turkey.

~*~

_[December 26__th__, 9:45 am, Eric Cartmen's Residence]_

"Honey! You got mail!" M-mail? I got up from bed and threw my bed sheet to the side, I walked downstairs and saw mom making bacon and eggs. There on the dinner table was a little white envelope, curious, I took it and opened it up. There was just another white piece of paper, I took it out and it read "_Thanks_". I look back at the envelope, trying to find out who sent this. But was anonymous...

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**A/N:** Like it? Well R&R about what you thought about it :D If you were wondering what the pair was, it was Style, Stan and Kyle. I thought of this when my class were thinking about doing Secret Santa, and so I thought about ribbons and such which lead me to this. I would've done a Creek with this because Ashfia1.5Bleach is also a major fan along with me, but I thought it would be funnier with Cartmen, Stan and Kyle.

**Note:** I'm sorry I didn't impersonate Cartmen well; I tried my best to get his asshole of a personality into the story XD


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